I AM ON VACATION. SEE YOU IN JANUARY

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Good-Bye

My ex had a sister. She rocked, God rest her soul. She and I would cut through all of the bullshit anyone was throwing at us, and we would size them up, find their weaknesses and strengths, and if we decided we liked them, they were safe. If we did not like them, then we would have a field day. It was fun. We kept that shit to ourselves, however, trying not to hurt anyone, but, just sometimes, not really caring if we did. I was 27 and still immature.

I shared that same type of relationship with that sister's daughter. At least when she was a teenager and I was a part of her life. Since then she has grown up and become a woman. I, however, continued to think of her as the same person I knew 20 years ago. That was my down fall. I let the affection I once had for her and her mother blindside me. I forgot that the acts of life causes our filters to change and we become different people. It is human nature. We must evolve and change in this life time.

A couple years ago, my ex's first husband passed away. He had never been a kind man to me. I cannot hold him at fault for this. He had good reasons to not be kind to me. I did fuck his wife, after all. She then proceeded to leave him and marry me. And, least we forget, I was an open gay man in midtown America. Yea, his wife left him for the town fag. That had hurt on more than one level.

He would take his frustrations out on me in unusual ways. I remember standing in the veggie isle at the corner store just down from our house on 5 East Powell. I am looking at some canned need, when all of a sudden a can of Campbell's Tomato Bisque whizzes past my head. Following the trajectory to the point of its origin, I see jaded lover.

When he passed, I was contacted by a mutual friend. The details were not pretty. He had a GI bleed. He was dead before he could get his car out of the drive way. The ex had to go over and clean up, yet one more time, the mess that he had made. I know she did this so their son would not have to see the horror that it must have been.

My mistake in this story was my contacting my niece and treating her as if our relationship was the same. I was very unkind in my words about his passing. Though not an excuse, I understand now that it was a reaction of the pent up pain I had related to his demanding that I not be allowed to see their son after our divorce. I was told that money won out, and since she needed the child support she was going to follow his wishes and she would not allow me any further contact. I blamed both of them for many years. It has taken me a long time to see my part in this trailer park play. I should have let the past lie in the past and kept my opinions to myself. I didn't, and though I am sorry for the pain I cause, I am actually OK with the outcome. The niece told my ex what I said. The ex contacted me and unloaded a verbal rant. It was very interesting to be able to step back and watch myself react to the words. “I wished it had been you. It should have been you dead in that pool of blood. I wish, oh God, I wish it were. You are dead to me. I never want to hear your voice again.”

I have made no efforts to contact her and I have no plans to do so. Though the ends do not justify the means, I like the idea of all ties being broken. And, with that thought, we come back full circle to the niece. She contacted me today saying that she will be in SF and wanted to know if I would have time to see her. We have not communicated since his death. She emailed me via facebook. She hit 'replay' to the original offending email. So not only seeing her name in my inbox, but also seeing the evidence of my crime caused me to have a rush of feelings this evening. I felt it necessary to say my peace. I did so by replying to the email. I told her what her actions had caused, her aunt being hurt needlessly, and, that though I am ultimately to blame for that hurt, she to holds responsibility for forwarding the information and for breaking my trust. I told her that I was not able to see her and I wished her a life of happiness. Another era comes to an end as I separate myself further and further from my past.

Earmon Mark Sammie Paul

Seems the men who taught me how to be a man have all died.  Earmon was the last to go.  Last Saturday he was playing basketball when he passed out on the court.  The coroner said it was a heart condition.   I think that might have been fitting for Earmon, to go so quickly and without warning.  He would not have wanted the fuss and finality of a long, or even short illness.

Laura texted me today to say that she was going to go to the funeral home to see Earmon tonight.  The same parlor where Mark Sammie and Paul were shown before their interments.  It would have been nice to have been there for her... to have given her love... to have given her support... to have laughed out loud about the old days.

Paul was the one who showed me that being a man had nothing to do with sexual orientation.  He also showed me the power of forgiving those who had taken advantage of one in their youth.  Paul kept trying, but couldn't stay clean.  He overdosed the week I moved to San Francisco.  The first message I received in SF was from Laura telling me he had died.

Mark was the one who worked with me on a daily basis for almost four years.  He was the one who put up with my immaturity and stupidity.  He confided in me years later that he was never sure that I was going to make it or that he was going to be able to put up with me.  We ended up loving each other as well as respecting each other.  He told me once of a time when he was homeless and unable to score any drugs.  He said he came up with a plan that sounded full proof for getting high.  He got into the house of a friend and found the gun he knew to be hidden there.  He took the gun and sat thinking over his plan and again, knew it to be a solid for getting high.  It was, a good dope fiend idea.  He pointed the gun at his foot, thought about it one last time, pulled the trigger, and then, he said, in the moment from the time he pulled the trigger until the bullet hit, he came to realize it was, actually, a bad idea, but he couldn't get his foot out of the way fast enough before the impact.  We laughed and laughed.  Mark died during a drug relapse by putting a shotgun in his mouth and pulling the trigger.  To this day I wonder if he tried to get his head out of the way before impact.

Sammie was odd and determined.  He taught me that it was OK to cry.  It was OK to feel. And, that it was OK to be odd and determined. He taught me about the need to be social and the need to be socially savvy.  He died of cancer.  The moments before he died, it is reported that he said, "wow, there is Mark and Jesus, waving to me."  I have no doubt Mark was, yet again, telling one of my brothers to follow a certain path... that he had been in the same place before and to follow him because he knows the way around.

Earmon was the one who taught me to not judge a book by its cover.  He taught me to focus and stay close to those you trust.  He taught me to stick by your responsibilities and make good on them.  He taught me to keep my mouth shut and to not tell all of my business out on the street.  He was a good man, and from all that I can tell, lived out this last years with honesty and hope.

I came out as a gay man at the age of twenty one.  That was in 1980.  I have lost more friends to the ravages of substance abuse than I have to the ravages of HIV.  I see friends who abuse far too many substances without concern or care.  I hate loosing the ones I love.

Bye Earmon.  Tell Sammie to get out of the way and give Mark and Paul a big old hug from me.

Poems

po·em/ˈpōəm/

Noun:

A piece of writing that partakes of the nature of both speech and song, and that is usually rhythmical and metaphorical.

http://www.ted.com/talks/rives_controls_the_internet.html

http://www.ted.com/talks/david_byrne_sings_nothing_but_flowers.html

http://www.ted.com/talks/terry_moore_how_to_tie_your_shoes.html

http://www.ted.com/talks/mitchell_joachim_don_t_build_your_home_grow_it.html

http://www.ted.com/talks/rives_tells_a_story_of_mixed_emoticons.html

http://canyoucrackit.co.uk/

Just for kicks

These first two I remember my brother and his friends always playing these guys
http://youtu.be/zwCZt6jEnJg
http://youtu.be/cScJZqKpMq4

Pretty boy gets pounded!
http://youtu.be/sb1HyPU_qmc   Different angle, same kick http://youtu.be/M0-UZ2y8skY

I just had to, dont hate me
http://youtu.be/zZOxUIFsFCs

decisive
http://youtu.be/Mfj0e7--WL4

The best kick of this blog is delivered at the 1:48 mark in this clip

http://youtu.be/Y7rjpStup5I

And lastly, not a famous kick, but a teenager is half naked and holding his balls in pain... what's not to like about that?
http://youtu.be/gKWjmKyYgsc

And for an added bonus, this is for Oswald
http://youtu.be/sU2PMt-jGSc

Damn it I am sick again.

Damn it I am sick again. This time It is a GI thing. It is one of those, "if i'd just vomit I'd be OK" things.


So dehydrated. This is the worst I have seen in a long time. I am forcing fluids but am not able to keep them down. I was very near heading to the hospital then I decided to try proctocysis therapy.  It did the trick. 


I woke with a markedly dry mouth, moderate grade nausea and a headache as a pain grade 6.  I knew the dry mouth was more than an effect from the C-PAP.  When I stood, there was the dizziness.  I drank about fifty ccs of water and went back to bed.  The emesis came later when I got up a couple hours later and tried to drink. I knew I was in trouble then. I took my blood sugar. I was twelve hours fasting. I came in at one seventy. Something was wrong. I have not had a significant cold or flu since I started monitoring my BS, so I am not sure how I respond to illnesses. I do not believe I have an infection, a reason that would cause a spike in the BS. There were only two choices left and one could be done at home and on in hospital with IV therapy. Best to try the home option first.


As I was rehydrating, I felt my mood change and the nausea ease. The warm shower felt good also. Afterwards, I was able to take in a steady amount of oral water.   Around three pm I started with the chicken broth.  It has stayed down and has eased everything except, my head is still killing me.  How I hate h/a's. I am up to a 7 now, it was an 8 earlier. I haven't had a 9 in many years, and they have all sent me to the ER as well. Fortunately I stopped having them in my twenties.


But, life is good.  My stomach is back to the low grade nausea I have had on and off for the past couple weeks. I can control the slight dizziness that occurs on standing, by standing slowly. I am going to try some solid foods here in a bit. And, I am reading a good book. I know this is a cheeky excuse for a blog, but I am too tired to write and this will just have to do for today. Besides, I cannot WAIT to see what JaJa has to say about this one. [I am feeling better]




OK, Wait a min..... I am feeling better.  As I was researching for a pic to find I ran across this story in the 

Journal of Indian Association of Pediatric Surgeons

I will publish only the xray here, but provide the link if you wish to see the related photographs.


I publish this not to make fun of anyone.  This is an illness that can have fatal effects.  The child needs, and hopefully received, significant mental health guidance. I am simply fascinated by what the human body can stand and by what we humans try to do with that body.

Sheikh MS, Hilal RM, Misbha AM, Farooq AR. Colorectal lithobezoar: A rare case report. J Indian Assoc Pediatr Surg [serial online] 2010 [cited 2011 Dec 2];15:62-3. Available from: 

http://www.jiaps.com/text.asp?2010/15/2/62/70642

Journal of Indian Association of Pediatric Surgeons Official journal of the Indian Association of Pediatric Surgeons           Users Online:18

Click here to download free Android Application for this and other journals       Click here to view optimized website for mobile devices       Journal is indexed with PubMed   CASE REPORT Year : 2010  |  Volume : 15  |  Issue : 2  |  Page : 62-63   Colorectal lithobezoar: A rare case report Muzamil Shafi Sheikh1, Rizvi Malla Hilal1, Afsheen Malla Misbha2, Ahmed Reshi Farooq3 1 Department of Surgery, Sheri-Kashmir Institute of Medical Sciences, Soura, Srinagar, India 2 Department of General Surgery, SMGS Hospital, Jammu, India 3 Department of General Surgery, SMHS Hospital, Srinagar, India Date of Web Publication 24-Sep-2010 Correspondence Address: Muzamil Shafi Sheikh Nawab Bagh Baghwanpora, Lal Bazar, Srinagar, Kashmir India DOI: 10.4103/0971-9261.70642 PMID: 20975785    Abstract   We report an unusual case of a giant lithobezoar that was extending from the caecum to the anal canal, and the patient had no features of absolute constipation or peritonitis. It is believed to be the first such giant colonic lithobezoar in the literature. Keywords: Colon, lithobezoar, pica, rectum How to cite this article: Sheikh MS, Hilal RM, Misbha AM, Farooq AR. Colorectal lithobezoar: A rare case report. J Indian Assoc Pediatr Surg 2010;15:62-3 How to cite this URL: Sheikh MS, Hilal RM, Misbha AM, Farooq AR. Colorectal lithobezoar: A rare case report. J Indian Assoc Pediatr Surg [serial online] 2010 [cited 2011 Dec 2];15:62-3. Available from: http://www.jiaps.com/text.asp?2010/15/2/62/70642    Introduction   Bezoars are rare foreign bodies in the gastrointestinal tract. The stomach is the most common site. Primary colonic bezoar is an exceptionally rare situation. Colonic lithobezoars are very rare findings in children.    Case Report   A 9-year-old male child was admitted with a 3-year history of pica, recurrent constipation, abdominal pain, failure to thrive and painful defecation. Abdominal examination revealed moderate distention with multiple palpable intraluminal masses along the rectosigmoid, descending colon and the ascending colon up to the illeocaecal region, with no features of peritonitis. Anal inspection revealed stone pellets protruding through the anus. The rectal examination revealed hard, prickly masses filling the dilated rectum. It was impossible to negotiate and pass around the masses occluding the rectum. A plain radiograph of the abdomen showed numerous opaque shadows of different sizes scattered throughout the colon [Figure 1]. Under general anesthesia, following anal dilatation, 1,025 pieces of stones were completely recovered manually, with a diameter ranging between 5 mm to 2.5 cm [Figure 2]. He had uneventful recovery. After evacuation, the patient was given laxatives as well as proctoclysis enema and he used to pass 40-60 pieces of stones a day for 7 days. On the 8 th day, another radiograph of the abdomen revealed no residual stones. Mental health assessment by the pediatric psychiatrist did not reveal any gross abnormality. The patient was subsequently discharged on day 9 and was followed-up for a period of 6 months and was put under strict parental supervision. He had increased appetite and gained weight. Figure 1: Abdominal X-ray at presentation Click here to view    Discussion   Pica is persistent eating of nonnutritive substances for a period of at least 1 month. It is considered normal for children <2-years-old to put anything in their mouth. After this age, eating nonfood items is thought to be abnormal. The cause of pica is unknown, but multifactorial etiology is suggested. Some causes include iron deficiency, psychological factors like poverty, maternal neglect and abuse, lack of parental supervision, disorganized family situation, mental retardation, autism and brain behavior disorders like  Kleine-Levin syndrome More Details.[1],[2],[3] The various nonfood items include amylophagia (laundry starch, corn starch), geophagia (clay, sand and dirt), lithophagia (stones, gravel and pebbles), pagophagia (ice), trichophagia (hair) and coprophagia (feces). [4] Bezoars may be composed of hair (trichobezoars), vegetable matter (phytobezoars), milk curds (lactobezoars), sand bezoar [5] and, very rarely, stones (lithobezoars). Twelve children with primary colonic bezoars were reported in the literature until 2004, of which only three had colonic lithobezoars. [6],[7] Up until 2007, only four colonic lithobezoars had been reported in the literature. [8] All the previously reported cases had lithobezoars confined to the rectosigmoid and descending colon. Clinically, these patients often present with signs and symptoms of bowel obstruction. A palpable abdominal mass is occasionally found. On rectal examination, the presence of the "colonic crunch sign" can increase the suspicion of bezoar obstruction. The colonic crunch sign is defined as the palpation of a prickly mass on digital rectal examination and can be found in sunflower seed bezoar and lithobezoar. [9] Plain abdominal radiograph is especially important in the diagnosis of this kind of colonic intraluminal mass. The scattered radioopaque nature is typical of lithobezoar. This unique appearance on plain abdominal radiograph was called as "corn on the cob." [10] Anal dilatation under general anesthesia also helps in the dislodgement of the mass. [11] We conclude that pica is not as rare as once thought, and can lead to an array of surgical complications if left untreated. These patients can be managed conservatively in the initial stages, but frequently need surgical intervention if complications occur. Finally, these patients should be kept under strict follow-up and psychiatric assessment should not be forgotten. Strict parental supervision is the single most important factor to be considered if the disease incidence is to be decreased.

For Jason: The Club House 66

Yes JaJa, one of the homes we lived in while I was growing up was, well, technically, an old roadhouse. The name of it was Club House 66.  It was a bar and dancehall way out past the city limits. Grandaddy Willett brought the property and turned it into a pig farm. There was indoor plumbing, but for the first few years that I remember the grandparents living there, it didn't work. That was ok cause there was nothing wrong with the outhouse out back. By the time we started living there in the summers, the plumbing worked [most of the time] in the main house, but the toilet in the Big Room never did function. The Big Room, as my family referred to it, was the dancehall and bar. We used it as storage. Thats a proper way to say it was a room half as big as the house that was filled with unorganized junk. The property is still there, but when daddy sold it, it was made into a subdivision.  [On a personally intimate note for me, the tree I use to enjoy climbing is still there.] I am sure the Big Room would not look anything like what it did when I set the kitchen on fire--another blog.  There are stories to be told about Club House 66, but not just tonight-- many other blogs.

I am copying the related pages from the urban dictionary, just cause some of them are funny, and because I have not yet decided which "roadhouse" I am going to give Jason.  Please note, I am not female so one of them is off the table, but I would be interested in know what a 'roadhouse' is called when not a woman, but a man does number 6. Here is the link to that what I have copied below:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=roadhouse

thesaurus for roadhouse: 
swayze road house boot ganon ghost patrick road-house roadhead standing position suspended congress texas roadhead wall sex more...

1.	Roadhouse	171 up, 22 down
	A badass one word response that can be applied in a variety of situations.. for example: hello, goodbye, yes, no, fuck yea, its a good possibility, i agree with what your saying, lets do it, that's a nice flower blazer your wearing, what are you doing tonight, that could potentially be gay but im gonna go along with it, i don't feel like paying 5 extra dollars so were getting keystone, ect. guy 1- "Dude, you fell down the stairs and pissed on the rug last night" guy 2- "...Roadhouse" buy roadhouse mugs & shirts road house fuckyea badass swayze patrick by Blackshaft Mar 28, 2010 share this add a video
2.	roadhouse	72 up, 31 down
	the act of kicking someone in the face in a Patrick Swazye manner. Made famous by badass Patrick Swazye and by uber badass Peter Griffin After kicking someone in the face you immediatly say "ROADHOUSE!" buy roadhouse mugs & shirts roundhouse kick swayze boot kick dropkick by cash benjamin Dec 21, 2009 share this add a video
3.	roadhouse	41 up, 26 down
	A roadhouse is a tavern, inn, or the like, usually located outside city limits. It usually serves barbecue and alcohol for refreshments and possibly has some sort of live entertainment such as live music or exotic dancers. It was the subject of the single "Roadhouse Blues" by the Doors, released on the album Morrison Hotel in 1970. "Ah, keep your eyes on the road, your hands upon the wheel Keep your eyes on the road, your hands upon the wheel Yeah, we're goin' to the roadhouse Gonna have a real a-good time" ~The Doors, "Roadhouse Blues" buy roadhouse mugs & shirts the doors beer fried chicken dancers live music by Malac Apr 21, 2007 share this add a video
4.	Roadhouse	12 up, 4 down
	Pooping twice in one day. The bar in the movie was called the "Double Deuce". Pooping twice in a day would be going #2 twice, hence a "double deuce", or a "Roadhouse" After emerging from the bathroom after his second dump, he told his roomate he just pulled a Roadhouse. buy roadhouse mugs & shirts poop turd number 2 crap dump by kjw36 Dec 22, 2010 share this add a video
5.	roadhouse	2 up, 1 down
	to hit one on any part of the body, and yelling thus word. *hit bob on the arm* "ROADHOUSE" buy roadhouse mugs & shirts hit hurt head body yell by bobbbbbbbbbbbbbbb12 Mar 8, 2011 share this add a video
6.	Roadhouse	12 up, 10 down
	The act of a female "motorboating" a man's jewels. Dereck was roadhoused by Courtney. buy roadhouse mugs & shirts motorboating roundhouse dereck dennis shane jen by dereckscoworker Nov 4, 2010 share this add a video
7.	roadhouse	12 up, 23 down
	The act of wearing jeans with no undergarments beneath, made famous by Patrick Swayze's charater "Dalton" in the film "Roadhouse." In short,freeballing or going commando in jeans is "pulling a Roadhouse." Dude, I didn't pack enough underwear for my trip last week so I had to pull a Roadhouse on the flight home. buy roadhouse mugs & shirts swayze commando freeball jeans underpants by rak5877 Nov 28, 2007 share this add a video

8.	Roadhouse	8 up, 21 down
	The act of driving a beater car to work and saving the fancy car for home/personal use - more specifically when the work pays well. From the Patrick Swayze movie "Roadhouse": Swayze hides his fancy car and drives a beater to work - thereby roadhousing his nice car. My boss roadhouses his Porsche and drives a Tercel to work. buy roadhouse mugs & shirts car roadhouse roadhousing hiding pretending by Sakrifice Apr 15, 2009 share this add a video
9.	roadhouse	7 up, 21 down
	To casually, but vigorously and lustfully, engage in promiscuous sexual or pre-coital activity, usually with a person with whom one is not in the least bit romantically involved. It's what "cheaters" and "fuck buddies" do. The implication is that the couple meet discreetly and stop by an outhouse/ roadhouse/ motel etc. to do their naughty business. I don't think I would ever go out with her, but I'd roadhouse her in a second. buy roadhouse mugs & shirts root screw quickie fuck buddy shag score seduce throb mating partners lovers no strings attached sex casual fling lust loins hornyaffair cheaters by Narcoleptix Sep 24, 2007 share this add a video
10.	roadhouse	5 up, 19 down
	Another place for already fat rednecks to go overeat, drink, and talk about bangin' each other's cousins. Ahm hungry! Let's go down to the Roadhouse and grab a few steaks and some waitresses. buy roadhouse mugs & shirts buffet country cookin' cheap beer incest poor by City folk Mar 26, 2007 share this add a video
11.	Roadhouse	7 up, 21 down
	Cock lover; A road to dick and a house as a sanctuary of man meat. Chris is a total roadhouse; Miss piggy lives in a moderate roadhouse. buy roadhouse mugs & shirts dick eater cocklover ass pirate rectal ranger whorenado by The Whorenado Jan 19, 2010 share this add a video This is what was Club House 66.  When I lived there, this was the only building on the property.  There was a barn to the left, but daddy burned that down years ago. This is the side of the building where the Big Room was.  It had its own front entrance, but exit and indoor plumbing, but I don't think it had a Lady's Room.  I cannot remember.  This is about where the outhouse was.  I don't know what that round thing is to the left of the arrow, but that is just about were the water well was.  Now why on earth the outhouse was so close to the well is beyond me, but, maybe someone thought it would make a quicker trip in the depths of winter when you had to use both.